It seems I only blog when I get in a really bad way mentally!
Just having an outlet to pile up all the shit that is running through my head is a great help... although really most of what I write here does actually make sense, the things that are fighting for attention in my head space totally don't! It still allows me time to think beyond the mind jumble and that I guess is where the help really lies!
In the last month (and a bit) that I have failed to blog, I have been rolling with the punches, that is pretty much the sum of life for me at the moment.
I achieved an amazing thing - I 'ran' an 8km fun run on the 25th April, I completed it in 67 minutes + some seconds... absolutely thrilled with that performance by me!
I always talk about it to others as though it was nothing and wasn't good enough... I tell you I need to bask in my glory and allow myself to tell other people I am happy and excited by those achievements, unfortunately anytime someone asks I play it down and say "I didn't do too bad" or "Yeah, it was ok"
And because of that, no one celebrates with me... well except the Opmove crew! They are amazing!
Apparently people are concerned that I am going 'too far' with my commitment to moving and running, if only they knew what would happen if I didn't have that commitment it might change their thought processes, at least make them think twice! I actually ENJOY running, I enjoy going out and spending that time thinking about how my feet land, how I need to soften my strike so as not to put so much pressure on my knees, to keep my head up, to manage my breathing correctly. To wonder why my shoulder suddenly started aching for no apparent reason... but stopped when I hit a walk interval... In those moments there is nothing but me and my body to worry about or take care of, everything else STOPS for those moments. I long for more and more of those times every day, sometimes I worry that life will become more about those moments of 'just me' and less about the reality I am always drawn back into. But for just those moments that is something I don't think about!
Last week I spent 490 minutes in those moments, this week I aimed to do that again and more, at this stage I am pretty sure I will not reach that target. But the attempt is something wonderful in it's own right.
I haven't been for a run for way too long, I am hoping to break that drought this weekend. Outside, alone and content!